Honestly, I don’t know where to start. But I’m very, very drained right now. I’ve been in a relationship for four years. I enjoyed the first year, no lies, but I buy things for myself mostly too. The highest I’ve ever gotten from him was N200k. But for the past three years, he collects millions from me. I don’t know how to say no to him, coupled with the fact that he’s battling some health issues. I buy his medications, fuel for his car, and even foodstuffs for him.
I’m now the man, and he’s the woman enjoying all I’m working so hard for. It’s not easy on me, for real. I have so many family bills on my neck. Do I have to include a man in my responsibilities now? He’s a very good man, no doubt, but this is draining me mentally and physically. If I mention to him about wanting to relocate, he’ll guilt-trip me and all. I even talked about moving to Lagos so I could expand my customer base; his response made me feel so bad.
I should at least have my life to live. I can’t even decide for myself. If I work a day and make N200k, like N180k goes to him and my family because the bills won’t stop coming. He’s either in need of an urgent M100k, or my family needs something too. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should just kill myself and I’ll have peace. Everyone believes he’s the one funding me, whereas I’m the one funding him. I can’t even talk to a friend because they will use it to mock us.
But I’m very drained at this point. I don’t know if I came to this life to fend for others. It’s always been like that ever since I finished secondary school. I’ve been working and working to take care of my family until I was able to go to school. I go to school now, and it’s a man who’s collecting from me again. It’s not easy on me, I won’t lie. I see my friends being taken care of by their partners, and I just look at my life. I can’t even tell anyone that I’m the one taking care of my man.
I buy him medication worth N70k weekly, and he does tests from time to time—all from my money. How much do I even make? I still send money home. I work so, so hard, and I can’t boast of N500k in my account right now because immediately the money comes in, I’m using it to sort different bills. My life is just so stagnant. He’s currently owing me N5m, but I know I can’t get that back, yet I still keep giving him. I don’t want him to feel bad or get depressed. But I am so tired, I won’t lie.
I’ve prayed and prayed that everything works out good for him, but I am drained, to the extent of having suicidal thoughts. I want to leave so bad, but I don’t want him to feel bad. What do I do? Is this how I’m going to live the rest of my life?
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