Before the start of this year, I prayed for everything to be better for me, but it got worse. You know that feeling when you want to be relieved of a burden, but it seems like more are on the way. Gaining admission was a very happy thing for me, but sustaining myself through it is an experience I never imagined I would have. I honestly just want to rant about how difficult things are, especially as a struggling student and with the prices of things currently, especially when you have no one helping you out. I’m from a single-parent family, and all my mum has always done is take care of us. She has never failed before, but now she’s down with sickness and can no longer do anything. I’m watching my mum writhe away, and I’m still about to be a dropout. I’ve prayed, but I don’t know. The school fee deadline is near, but I can’t raise anything. Na so I no go follow my peers graduate. I maintained good grades because this was my only hope.
I’m not a lazy person either, but school finances are just too much. No matter how long I save to start a business, another thing comes and takes it away. I’m literally so tired, and I swear I was better off before I resumed school. I can’t afford anything for myself anymore, not even to look good as a lady, and I hate how everyone keeps asking what happened to me. I don’t want to carry this burden to another year. I’ve tried so many things to make money, but all to no avail. I don’t want to be a failure to myself by dropping out. The whole increment in school fees is tiring, my school just increased our fees three times for absolutely no reason, and I know I have to look for it myself again. I’m tired of being my only support system. I don’t even know what’s in it for me after school because that’s my only escape right now. Will I get the future I want?
I h*te myself and the creeping feeling of unaliving myself. The burden on me is too much, all because of one degree. I don’t like this forced adulting because I’m not even one yet. It’s crazy how I went from the bubbly little girl to this. I just want an escape, but it keeps getting worse. Resumption is almost here, and I’m scared already. God, please help me. I just want to be relieved of this burden and be better for myself, yet the economy is worse, combined with the peer pressure in school. I don’t know why I’m coming to social media to write all this, but maybe it’s because I just want to talk to someone so badly, and I don’t think I have that kind of person in my space right now.
Also Read: My Father Hates to See Me Go Out