My father is a narcissist who emotionally and financially abuses my mother. The number of perfect strangers he wholeheartedly financially supported through university are more than 50, yet he refused to help my mom when they were young and now insults her for not having a tertiary education. Yes, my siblings and I are well educated and about to round up our education, but he mostly did it for his pride so he could boast about it. My paternal grandmother passed away, and my mom, as the oldest wife in the house, was in charge of all celebrations. My father booked a hotel for himself alone and left my mom in the family house in the village. There was no gen, no good bed, nothing. She had some of her friends and sisters with her too, so imagine the embarrassment.
People look at her through him – a rich man’s wife who can’t afford basic things. It would even be worse if she didn’t have her shop, and even then, he didn’t contribute one naira to that shop. I heard about it and sent a strongly worded email, and this man threatened to curse me. That threat would work for people who fear curses and believe in superstitions. One of the first things he taught me as a teenager was to not believe in curses. You get to a point in life, especially when you have never had to worry about basic living, and realize that there is no such thing as curses. Karma maybe, but no curse. So I replied that only a guilty person would react like him. The same woman whom I was fighting for was the one begging me to apologize. I only apologized via email, and she and her family were moved to hotel rooms.
It’s been 6 months now, and my mom says that he has been calm and careful with his words. I know it won’t last long, but just know that it is never too late to stop accepting insults because you rely on someone to survive. I know that I will be unable to ghost him when I achieve my financial freedom because he provided a comfortable lifestyle for me and helped me get to where I am without any debts. But he will surely go to a nursing home. After all, my mother’s unhappiness for decades was the price for my success in life. An abusive home is a toxic home. You can’t claim to love your child if you mistreat the child’s mother, especially if the children are aware of your behavior.