I have been questioning myself lately on something. I’ve been dating my guy for almost 4 years now, he is slightly older than me, and truthfully, he’s a provider. He has never disrespected me nor embarrassed me. If I must say, I think I have most of the say in our relationship. I’m not a materialistic person, I have my own business and believe in hustling too. However, he still doesn’t neglect the fact that he has to provide as a man. I can’t even remember the last time I bothered with my rent bills or money, although he isn’t that rich, he really takes care of me. But here’s the thing – he flirts a lot. I don’t really have a problem with that, but sometimes I don’t understand him, and that has led me to ch€at on him. He found out about it, the three times I ch€ated, he found out about it. He has even seen a sex video of me with another guy because I can be very crazy.
I know a lot of people will judge me, but I’m a believer in being yourself. If there was anybody you were meant to be, you could’ve been it, but you are just who you are. He never stopped talking to me. It’s almost safe to say that he’s obsessed with me because he’s still sexually attracted to me a lot. He has had sex with other girls, and I’m aware of it because he told me himself. But if I should tell this guy to do anything in this world, he will do it. We share our deepest secrets together, his darkest secrets, I know them, and he knows mine. But here’s the thing – he has made mention of “don’t you ever say you missed a good opportunity because of me”. I’m the type of girl that money doesn’t really entice, you could be the richest man on this earth, and if I don’t vibe with you, I just don’t. I can’t say I’ll pretend to like a man because of the benefits.
He has never advised me to fuck a guy because of money, but he always insinuates I could play them. This gets me bothered because I thought guys were supposed to be jealous of that kind of thing. Girls taking money from other guys other than their bf – I thought men get jealous of that? Why is he okay with it and even trying to encourage it? He always includes me in his future, he has always made mention of him getting married to me and us having a family. He even talks about our future kids and how he’ll talk to them about their mum (that is me). But this very statement of his scares me. I’m not gonna lie, I have serious insecurity issues, and I can’t bear the thought of someone breaking my heart. So sometimes, I wonder if he’s just setting a trap for me and waiting for the right moment to h#rt me back because I don’t even know what to think, like this. I don’t even know what I’m typing.
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