I’m 23 years old, and I feel like life is against me. I’m a Muslim woman who covers up well, and I have always been the type to say I will never have sex before marriage. That changed the day I met this guy. He was not my spec, he is a Christian, and he emotionally blackmailed me into the relationship, not that it was his fault. Two months into the relationship, I had sex with him. He promised heaven and earth, marriage and all, not that he was joking. But he was too insecure. He wanted me to cut everyone off, and he smokes and does everything immoral. That was my first relationship, and I thought I could change him. I gave up, and I left. He turned it into a full blown issue, but I still left. So, after five months of the breakup, I met a guy. I was not interested in him at first, but he was so attentive to me, and in the space of three weeks of knowing each other, we went out a lot of times. I found myself falling for him. Then, one day, he threw the bomb: he has a girlfriend, and he wants me to be the side chick.
I was so upset because why would you think of me that way? I was so in love with him. I told myself I had to meet up with him one more time. I did. We had s€x. After that, I made sure I stopped contacting him. My ex and I started talking again. We decided to date because he made it seem like he had changed. We gave it another chance, but he is still the same. So now, here is my problem: I’m not really interested in another relationship because I can’t wrap my head around the fact that, as of last year, I was a virgin, but now I have a body count of two. I’m so disappointed in myself, and I feel useless, like I have jeopardised my life, and no amount of prayer can rub this guilty feeling away. No one will take me this way. I have been so depressed. I have not been talking to anyone for a while because I feel like I’m not worthy.
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