In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever been lucky with love. Somehow, I always end up with men who are emotionally unavailable and unkind, men who don’t want anything serious no matter how much I give. Right now, I’ve been “dating” someone for about two years, or at least that’s what I think it is. On paper, he looks like everything a woman could dream of: a big tech guy, makes millions, spiritual, good-looking. But the truth? He’s nonchalant, uninterested, and distant. You’d think he was unserious, but no, he’s introduced me to everyone. His family, his friends, even people who don’t like him know I’m his girlfriend. He claims he’s proud of me, but that “pride” has never translated into love, care, or even basic support. I’m a medical student in Abuja, balancing school and running a successful business. I’m not lazy or entitled, I handle myself. But sometimes, even I need help, and he has the means but simply won’t lift a finger. I try to communicate, I buy gifts, I put in the effort, yet he gives me nothing back.
What makes it worse is the loneliness. I watch my friends being taken out, loved out loud, cherished by their men, and I can’t help but wonder why I don’t have that. We haven’t been on a single date this entire year. I’ve seen him only three times and each time, it was after begging. There’s no communication, no connection, none of the bond you’re supposed to feel with your partner. Most of the men I’ve met in this town make me question my standards and even my self-worth, because it’s really heartbreaking to keep giving love and never receiving it back. Sometimes it feels like maybe I’m the problem, like maybe I’m asking for too much, when all I really want is something real. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. I just want real love. The kind that shows up. The kind that makes me feel seen, valued, supported. The kind that doesn’t leave me questioning if I’m even in a relationship at all. I’m exhausted. Tired of giving my all to men who can’t even give me the bare minimum.
Also read: Was I Really The Problem?