I don’t think I deserve to be loved. I am currently in a relationship that has lasted about six years, but during the course of it, I had sex with my ex three times on different occasions. When I was with my ex, we never had sex because I was a virgin, but he was a very busy person—loyal but emotionally unavailable. He was constantly out of the country. That relationship ended six years ago before I met my current partner. During my present relationship, my ex and I met and made out. I felt really terrible because my current partner is an amazing person, but I don’t know why I still feel constantly drawn to my ex.
After I made that mistake, I cut off all communication with him and opened up to my current partner about it. He freaked out but forgave me, and we have been cool ever since. Now, the problem is, I still communicate with my ex on IG, and recently, we met at an open spot. I’m scared to admit that I am falling for him all over again. We have been communicating but have never been intimate. He said he realized his mistake about not being emotionally available and promised to be a better person.
I won’t lie—I am seriously attracted to him. Yet, I love my current partner so much. He has been a great friend, confidant, and partner, and I really feel he doesn’t deserve someone like me. I haven’t had any form of intimacy with my ex, but I feel terrible about the feelings I am harboring for him. I don’t know if it’s because these are the only two people I have ever had sex with (I am 26 years old) that is causing this attachment, or if I am just a horrible person.
I really do not know what to do at this point. Should I be honest about my feelings to my boyfriend? I am so afraid to hurt him all over again. Or should I try to deny these feelings and pretend they don’t exist? These two guys are genuinely good people, and neither has ever hurt me. Even while dating my ex, he never cheated once and agreed to be celibate back then. Please, I need sincere advice. Help me. 💔
Also Read: Discovering My Wife’s Sexuality