Hello, everyone. Firstly, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over two years now. When we met, I was in 200 level. My boyfriend and I were at a low point in life when we met, and we both needed someone to lean on, which we did, and everything kicked off well. Fast forward to six months into the relationship, I started noticing some red flags. He talks down on women a lot. He’s always bitter about successful women. In fact, he must always find a way to say something negative and demeaning about women every day of his life. I felt uncomfortable and decided to have a conversation with him. He apologized and said he was hurt from his last relationship. Then he promised to change because, according to him, I’m not like other girls. I thought of leaving, but I decided to give him another chance. A few months later, I noticed he was admiring a particular influencer who h8tes women and constantly talks down on them. I told him I didn’t like it.
If he really wanted to change, why was he making this type of person his role model? He apologized, but I declined and told him I didn’t want the relationship anymore. He begged, cried, and even invited a senior friend of ours to plead on his behalf. I accepted him back under the condition that he would truly change. At that moment, he did change. He started behaving like a better man, stopped talking down on women, and became more respectful. Fast forward to a year into our relationship, I was in 300 level. He became insecure about me. He didn’t let me talk to my friends anymore, I couldn’t go out, he hacked my email and WhatsApp, and he didn’t even allow me to stay at my own house—he always wanted me to be in his house. I accepted all this because I didn’t want problems. Now, back to the beginning. When I met him, he had money but no direction—no school, no business, no ideas. He was just stagnant. I encouraged him to go back to school and start a business.
He agreed. At the time, we didn’t live in the same town, so he relocated to my city for school. He said he wanted to stay away from bad friends so he could concentrate. I supported his decision. He wrote JAMB and passed. While waiting for admission, he was searching for an apartment. To help him save on hotel costs, I housed him for some months. He later got an apartment, got admitted into school, and we set up the business I had suggested. By this time, I had finished my final exams. Suddenly, he started changing. He stopped listening to me, resumed talking down on women, and became unnecessarily rude. He grew insecure about my intelligence and the fact that I always had good ideas. It felt like he saw me as competition. The businesses were up and running, but I was no longer allowed to have an opinion. He started acting like he had achieved everything on his own, bragging that he would have done it all without me.
He supported irresponsible men and deadbeat fathers. (P.S. His dad is a deadbeat who treated his mom poorly.)
Whenever I tried to talk, he shut me up. He always used his mom as an example, saying she endured his dad’s bad treatment, so all women should do the same. He believed staying despite suffering made a woman “virtuous.” We started having serious issues, and I decided to break up again. But during my sign-out week, he came back begging and crying as usual. Since my family was far away, I forgave him. After my graduation, he insisted I should serve in the same town. He said he would set up something for me too, so I wouldn’t struggle. I later realized he only said that to keep me close and keep using me to grow his business.
Anytime I talked about my own business, he got angry.
He said, “I’m the man, why are you talking about your own business?” He even accused me of trying to compete with him. Anytime I talked about success, he got irritated, claiming he didn’t like successful women because they don’t respect their husbands. I opened up to my mom and told her everything. My family and I decided I should return to my original plan—before I met him. My plan was to finish my clearance, do direct posting to where my sister is, and start my life afresh. Omo, I sat down and asked myself, “Is this really the type of man I want to end up with?” So, I had to re-plan my life. I’m doing my clearance now, and once I’m done, I intend to leave without telling him. I’ll break up with him and move on. Please, guys, do you think I’m making the right decision? I’ll be in the comments.
Also Read: I Need Your Prayers