I met my man 5 months ago. I’m in my early twenties, and he’s in his early thirties. There’s a 10-year gap between us. We love and care for each other so much. He’s everything I want in a man except for the financial part, though. He’s the kind of husband I want and the kind of father I want for my future kids. He’s not really financially buoyant, but I don’t even care about that because I feel we can grow together. He’s a very hardworking and supportive man. Three months into our relationship, he asked me what I think about settling down soon, but I told him I’m not ready. I’ve always had this mindset since childhood that I must be rich or at least financially stable (which I’m not right now) before getting married. My partner must also be rich or financially stable before any marriage plans between us. I’m not saying he has to be rich for me to date him; I just want us both to grow financially together.
Then, when we’re okay, marriage can follow. I’ve always had this “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon, but my kids must be born with a silver spoon” mindset. He always tells me he’s ready to get married and wants me to be his life partner, but it doesn’t sit well with me. I agree to be his life partner because I want him to be mine as well, but not until we are both financially stable. He has introduced me to his people, but I haven’t done the same. He only talks with my mom on the phone. We have many good plans for ourselves, including “Japa” next year, but he wants us to get married before we leave, and I later agreed to that. My man is an education enthusiast, so whenever we discuss our “Japa” plans, he always says the first thing we’ll do when we get there is for me to further my education (with most expenses on him). I only have an ND for now. Bro’s got his master’s already and is even planning to go for another one,
then a Ph.D. Now, this is where the issue lies. He said he wants me to have our baby before I start schooling. He doesn’t want me to be schooling while pregnant because of the stress. I told him I don’t want that—I want to go to school first and have a baby after graduating. But he said he can’t wait for those 3-4 years of schooling. Mind you, he’s in his thirties and the only child of his parents, so I think that’s why he’s in a hurry to have a baby immediately after we relocate. I keep telling him I don’t want that, but he insists on his choice. I don’t know what to do anymore because I want to have money before having children. I don’t want to bring my kids into this world to suffer. I don’t want them to have the average life I and my siblings had growing up. He keeps trying to convince me that things will be much better over there and that the kids will have the upbringing and lifestyle I want for them,
since we’ll both work hard and smart. But I want what I want. I don’t like that he’s trying to give me a different reality from what I’ve planned for myself. I want us to get there, hustle for a few years, and then, when we’re financially stable, start welcoming children into the world. I love my man, and I don’t want to leave him, but I also want what I want. I’m even thinking of using contraceptives during those schooling years because I might not know when he’ll get me pregnant. But it doesn’t sit well with me because what kind of married woman uses contraceptives? Contraceptives aren’t even advisable for women who haven’t had a baby yet; they might cause complications later, which I don’t want. What do you think I should do, please? I’m so confused.
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