I want to know if I’m the bad guy. Sometimes, I look at other couples and wonder if I’m the problem in my relationship. I have a partner with whom we can’t have a calm conversation without it escalating. When I try to express how I feel, he gets defensive. He says one thing and does another. He’ll claim something is normal in a relationship, but when I do it, he gets mad. Situations we could talk about calmly turn into defensiveness, leaving my emotions unchecked. I’m a big feelings person, but he ignores that. I try my best to stay calm, but imagine trying to have a conversation with someone who’s hissing, walking out, and saying you shouldn’t talk about your feelings.
I cry easily and usually end up in tears, feeling stup!d. Our relationship hasn’t always been the best, but this is my first serious one, so I’ve learned, adjusted, and compromised. Now, I’m just tired. Whenever these misunderstandings happen, he’ll come back, apologize, and say he doesn’t want to lose me. We’ve been together for 2 years. The first year was full of verbal abu$e, and I left hurt. After we reconciled, he started flirting with different girls, and I eventually got tired and left again. But I forgave him. After two weeks, he went back to talking to them. He’ll promise to stop something but continue behind my back. I’m tired of ending every conversation with a shouting match. I’m tired of not being heard.
I’m tired of feeling emotionally neglected. Love can only take so much. He has improved since we started, but now it feels like every few months there’s a new problem. It’s made me distant, less affectionate, and less open. Before anyone assumes there’s someone else, there isn’t. He wants me to always understand him, but he doesn’t like emotional conversations. He doesn’t see some things as a big deal and prefers to leave problems unresolved. I’m the opposite. He makes me feel like the bad guy when things get overwhelming, and I explode. I’m tired of crying, shouting, and not being heard. Am I the bad guy? Am I only seeing things from my point of view? I need advice from older women. What do I do?
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