I’m 32, and I’m not getting any younger, so I took a loan and gave all my savings to my boyfriend so he could marry me. I’ve been seeing this guy for over 11 years now. Our relationship started back in high school, and now we are both university graduates. He studied law while I studied accounting. Now, I’m working as an accountant, but unfortunately, he hasn’t gotten a job yet, so he’s been staying at my place. For close to 3 years after he moved in, I was the one feeding and clothing him, paying bills, and doing virtually all the chores in the house while he watched TV all day. I was getting worried due to the stress on me.
I talked to him about it, but he told me that he’s a man and his tradition forbids him from doing house chores while a woman is in the house. I let it go and never insisted. But then, I realized that for over a year, he was no longer making efforts to get a job. Because of that, I took a loan of a large sum, gave it to him, and came up with the idea of him owning a small retail store, at least for a start, instead of just sitting at home doing nothing. Two months later, he was still at home. I asked why, and he said the amount was too small.
I knew just then that he spent the money on something else, though I didn’t know exactly what. At that time, I was receiving calls and texts from home saying Mom wasn’t feeling well and they needed some money for an operation, but I didn’t take it seriously. I took another loan of a large sum. This time, I rented a store and stocked it with enough goods to surprise my man on his birthday, which was the coming week. At this time, Mom’s illness had become severe, but I had already taken so many loans that it was impossible to take another.
I tried begging and borrowing from a few friends. It took some time before I could complete the amount required, but by then, it was too late. We lost Mom. 😭Two years later, I noticed my boyfriend’s business had improved because he had stocked more goods, but I was still the one providing for the house. I’ve never asked him for a dime because I didn’t want him to waste money but instead grow more in his business. Lately, I’ve noticed he’s seeing someone else.
Even though I understand that all men cheat (which is why I haven’t confronted him for peace’s sake), as long as he doesn’t rub it in my face and I’m still his main woman, it’s okay. Honestly, I believe that when we finally get married, he’ll change and act more mature. Actually, the issue is I was hoping that by this time we would be married. It’s been over 11 good years of dating, but he has never mentioned it, let alone popped the question. Every time I try to talk about it, he either changes the topic or walks out on me.
He once mentioned that he didn’t have enough money for a wedding or dowry, so I took a loan, added my savings, and handed over a large sum to him so he could see my parents for the dowry payment. From there, we could proceed and have a small white wedding, but he’s still making excuses. I really don’t know what men want. I’m beautiful, I’m decent, I’m good in bed, and what haven’t I done for him to see wife potential in me? Honestly, I’m tired. I feel so unlucky and confused at this point. I’m getting scared with all that’s going on.
Apart from this guy being good in bed, I love him so much. I’ve invested so much; I’ve wasted almost 12 whole years and even lost my mom because of this same guy. I’m already in my 30s and might not find a husband at this age. I feel it will be my own loss if I don’t marry him. Please help me. I cry almost every day behind closed doors. I’m not happy. 😭 Please help me with what to do. I’m desperate.
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