I met a lady on Instagram last year. After the talking stage, we met and immediately clicked. To be honest, I was super happy about it and felt this is it for me. I gave it my best, doing everything I could to make sure the relationship stayed afloat. Fast forward to two weeks into the relationship, I received a call that my mom had slumped and was being rushed to the hospital, which sent me into panic mode. My mom had been battling with stroke since 2014, and I was the only one taking care of her financially as the breadwinner of the family.
The purpose of sharing this message here is because each time I think about how I could have handled everything better at that point in time, I realize it could have been better for me. Since the day of my mom’s demise, and with the breakup that happened just nine days apart, I’ve been beating myself up and haven’t ever wanted to open up to love again. It’s all because of the two heartbreaks that happened within the span of 10 days. While she was with me, I was struggling to stay afloat financially.
I am well-to-do, but life happens, which is inevitable. I tried keeping everything about the hospital bills away from her. She adamantly volunteered to help in some ways, which I turned down because I felt the relationship was too early for her to be helping me financially. At a point, I should have traveled to visit my mom at the hospital, but I was reluctantly trying to please her (my then-girlfriend) while also looking for money to send for the hospital bills.
When I got the call from my sister that my mom had passed in the wee hours of the day, it was sad news. Everything was actually down within me, but as a man, I summoned my courage, bottled up my pain, and held in my emotions. She came to sympathize with me, but I wasn’t grieving my mom at that moment, and she felt I was heartless to have lost my mom and not react, cry, or be in a sad mood. Well, I was playing a game at home at the time. Prior to the tragic death and the brouhaha, my aim of loving my then-girlfriend was to fill every gap in her life she was lacking.
I helped her with some business ideas and branding, doing some things to support her business, also as a surprise. Hear me out—this is the part that’s haunting me. The night I was designing the artwork, my sister called me, saying they needed money for some meds the doctor prescribed for my mom. My reply was, “Arrgh, again!” The total money left in my account was N840k after spending a million-plus on hospital bills already. My rent was N450k and would expire in two months. The budget for the work I wanted to surprise my then-girlfriend with was going to cost me about N160k-N190k, due to some papers I had left from my previous jobs.
Guys, I turned down sending money for my mom’s meds but sent money to the press for the printing of the surprise package. 😭 Two days later, my mom d!ed. On the 6th day after that, my then-girlfriend and I had a little misunderstanding. I thought it was normal in relationships and that making amends makes the relationship stronger; at least we get to know our flaws. But no! She broke up and never gave me the slightest chance to make things right. I didn’t know how wicked a heart could be until I experienced it in real life.
That slight decision I made has been haunting my conscience, and I cry to bed every night when I read anything concerning the word “mother.” I truly loved and gave my all to my mom and that short relationship, but I wish she knew how truthful and down-to-earth I was with her. Because of loving her, I stopped loving myself. I’m sharing this here because I picked a date I was planning to marry her, which I prayed to God to spare my life for and beyond: “10th August 2024.” I’m alive, but the relationship is nowhere to be found.
I tried calling her to make things right, but she never gave me the slightest chance. Please, all I need is some advice on how to make things right by opening my heart to love again. It’s been a rollercoaster of attitude, craziness, and h8teful words between me, my soul, and my conscience. Thank you for reading. I’ll be in the comment sections.
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