Rant fam, I desperately need your advice. Before going to uni, I had a boyfriend. We’d just started dating before I got admission, so we decided to do long distance since we loved each other. It was going fine and really good for over a year because he was doing everything right. I never had to ask or beg for attention, care, time, or love; everything came so easily with him. But there was one problem: he has a small D and is very bad in bed. It was so bad that I started thinking I didn’t like sex or that sex was overrated, but I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He knew he was a “two-minute man” because he always made jokes about it, but I wouldn’t react or say anything. I just used to pretend. You guys, it was so bad that I used to fake moans. Anyways, I told my friends about it and they were like, “No, that’s not how sex is, sex is this, sex is that,” all the good things. So I decided to get a fling, someone just for sex, and I did find someone. But then my heart didn’t understand our mission, and that’s how I fell in love, people of God. The sex was good; I got to see him every weekend. He was also doing everything right like my boyfriend, so I became extremely confused. When I noticed how serious things were getting between us, I told my friend. She advised, “Continue with both of them and don’t break up with your boyfriend because you don’t know the intentions of the fling guy.” I listened and continued, but my heart couldn’t handle it anymore, there were too many lies. I was cheating on the poor boy who had nothing but pure love for me, so one day I blocked him everywhere without saying anything so I could focus on Mr. Fling. But my boyfriend didn’t rest; he called everyone to call me, telling our story and everything about us. He even called my friend and talked nonstop. That’s how she texted me to unblock him and just continue playing games till I found a reasonable excuse, so I wouldn’t tell him I found another guy. With the way he was sounding, I was scared he might kill himself, so I unblocked him. The lies, deceit, manipulation, and gaslighting continued. Two months in, Mr. Fling asked me out and I said yes without thinking. Fast-forward to this year, March, when I went back to Lagos: I met my boyfriend. The first time everything went well. The second time was fine until he saw a picture of my hand and Mr. Fling’s hand in his car. He asked about it; in that moment I lied, but because I’m terrible at lying he could tell. Then I decided to tell the truth, but not the whole truth. I left out the important parts. He was pissed and blocked me everywhere. Because I didn’t want us to have a bad end, I kept calling on different numbers to talk to him. Eventually he unblocked me and we met in person to talk. We agreed to just be friends. I was so happy. Everything was going well until my boyfriend called me at 1 a.m. and I was with Mr. Fling. I managed to put my phone on silent before he noticed, but my bf kept calling and that’s when Mr. Fling realized he wanted to check my phone. Omo, if you saw me that midnight, I just wanted to disappear, but I couldn’t, and that’s how kasala burst. Mr. Fling saw the missed calls and started asking questions. I lied and lied nonstop, and it was so obvious. My friends came up with lies for me, but I couldn’t ask anyone. We dragged it on till 3 a.m., and he said we should sleep and continue tomorrow, unaware he’d already taken my boyfriend’s number from my phone. He woke up early, called my boyfriend, and spilled everything, every single thing, to him. I begged him not to, but I understand why he was hurt. Now Mr. Fling isn’t taking his calls or replying to messages. I feel so stupid and ashamed. I have so much regret, and I love him deeply. I only realized how in love I am with him through this drama. I desperately want him back and I want him to forgive me. I’ve begged. My family helped me beg. I’ve gone to his house to beg. I’ve done everything I can, but nothing works, and I can’t move on. Please, what should I do? Mind you, all this happened 3 months ago and I’m still not able to move on and he still doesn’t reply or pick my calls.
Also read: I’m Heartbroken But He Doesn’t See It