My ex and I had a good relationship. We were good, both liked the same things. He never did much for me, I didn’t mind, at the time I didn’t care, I was in “love.” But he was cheating on me. We started having issues and he broke up with me. Three days later I messed up. He found out and that was the end. Back and forth for a whole year, he stopped talking to me for a few months in the year, slept with my friend, then came back to try and rekindle things. Silly me went along with it. I figured out it wasn’t going anywhere at some point but I couldn’t leave, so I tried the “go back till you hate him” method. He has a girlfriend now, doing everything for her that I didn’t care about then. Makes me feel like he never loved me, but at the same time I don’t necessarily care. I took my time to heal from that relationship. I didn’t want to heal with another man, so I went celibate, stuck to talking stages, and just decided to let it hurt till it doesn’t. No unhinged vices. I’m so proud of myself now but I still wonder why I never got those things. I hate myself for thinking like that because my life is good. I have plenty to be grateful for, and yet I still wonder.
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